Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Update To Your Partner, His Other Girl, and Your Boundaries

If you read my post from Wednesday, March 18th, and it pertained to you in some way, you probably picked up one of three solutions to your dilemma.  If your man has been talking with his female friend, whether a former lover or just an extremely friendly cohort, there are essentially only three things you can do about it.  The first one is leave him, second one is set your boundaries and pull back from the relationship, and the last solution is to set the equality boundary by doing exactly what he is doing.

I gave this advice knowing at least the first two worked.  The first choice, leaving him and moving on, allows you to set your standards higher the next time and showing yourself that you do not, under any circumstances, tolerate being treated like garbage.  Leaving a man who has trampled over you and your boundaries ultimately raises your self esteem in the end.  There's absolutely no reason for your partner to bring an old "friend" between you two, and if he does, something else is probably going on.  A man is very likely to put his "friend" right up there next to you where, in his mind, leaves room for friendly activities.  I recall in one particular instance, "friendly activities" meant picking his "friend" up and taking a walk together in the park late in the evening, which I guess from what I could piece together, was quite an evening.  Thus, I had to call it!  Looking back, I realized that I should have called it much sooner but I had good faith that he would be faithful.  And I think he had every intention of being faithful until the moment of passion took over; or rather maybe he did.  I will never really know for sure.

I do know that setting boundaries works very well, regardless of what happens in the relationship.  Your relationship will either deteriorate or strengthen with this strategy.  In my case, I found out quickly that a man can break your heart very easily and quickly when he has a woman on the side with whom he confides in.  Like the Titanic, all glorious things can sink.  Being prepared for if and when it does is always a smart idea.  Having a go-to destination and a stockpile of hidden, liquid money will be your life raft just in case the iceberg rips through the hull in the middle of the night.  Expecting your partner to choose you or choose the door is an ultimatum and a typical man feels trapped in ultimatums.  Wanting to be his one and only is setting your boundaries and preventing friendly activities from taking place (at least that you are aware of).  In the end, you will either gain a faithful, loyal, dedicated man, or your independence while maintaining dignity.  Either way, your head should be held up high.

Until now, the third choice was still in beta testing. I have to say I am most pleased with the outcome thus far.  I will not call it an absolute success for quite awhile yet, however I am satisfied with its preliminary results.  Demanding equality and pulling back makes a man spring into action.  It could be as simple as putting on a beautiful dress to go to a casual dinner party with your friends, or it could be as cruel as giggle while texting your "friend" and then tell your partner "it's nothing" and while quickly changing the subject.  This creates suspicion and jealousy; both of which would be bad in a relationship.  But for some odd reason, pulling way back out of a relationship and becoming mysteriously intriguing sends guys into a twitterpated tizzy.  This phase, I admit, is quite enjoyable.  Putting your feminine back on, bringing out your moxie, and being the most captivating woman your partner knows will bring out the hunter in your man!  And this is where you've got him; that is, if you still want him.  This is where you strike up a deal, "If I get rid of my "friend" will you get rid of your friend?"  Hopefully he says yes, then make him prove it to you.  Otherwise, you've got somewhere to be in an hour, and it isn't with him. This part, if he is anything like my boyfriend, takes a bit of time.  He might not want to let go of his "friend" right away, or he feels that she is just a friend still so there's nothing wrong with having her still friends on Facebook even though he deleted her number from his phone for you.  This is where I am at currently.  So the equality rules still apply at this point.  Now, if your partner says no to getting rid of his "friend", then he is involved with her and it is time to let him go for good.  By this time, you should have enough in savings and some place to go so leaving him shouldn't be that big of a deal.  Yeah, it'll sting the heart, we have all been there, but it isn't anything some lively dance music, your favorite hobby, and a good friend can't fix.

No matter what happens girl, I wish you luck!                    

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